No two people grieve in the same way and every individual works through their own grief in their own unique style. No two bereavements are the same either, and that means every time we lose someone else, we embark on a new journey of grief. Although sadness and tears are expected following a death, there are other strong emotions too like guilt and anger.

There have been numerous theories devised by psychologists through the ages to identify all the stages of grief so that we can develop a better understanding of the emotions which can engulf us at such a time. These models are then often used by counsellors and therapists as a basis to help mourners through their loss.

It is often said that funerals themselves are just the beginning of the process of grief. The act and ritual are a physical acknowledgement of the death, but after all of the activity of making arrangements and phone calls, once the funeral is over we can begin to process the grief we’re feeling.

Death may often be so overwhelming that we can’t cope with the emotions all at once. This is why there are several defined phases of emotions which could be cyclical, come in waves or even be like stages that we return to time and again.

In truth, grief is really a journey towards accepting the loss and learning to live with it, however, understanding grief enables us to work through the process of grieving, reassured we are experiencing normal emotions.

Identified by Dr Elisabeth Kubler-Ross, the 5 stages include denial, anger, bargaining, depression then acceptance and we are said to go through them all in order after a death. Some say that the orderly nature of this theory doesn’t properly reflect the process of grief, however in more recent times, the theory’s developer admitted that the theory shouldn’t be taken as a literal linear journey but more as a set of points that can be revisited.

Dr Lois Tonkin believes that grief is a wound that we heal around gradually. As we grow around the grief, we keep the loss with us, but the void doesn’t dominate our ability to live our own lives.

According to Dr J William Worden, the 4 Tasks of Grieving require us to do the following four things in order to get over a loss: Accept what has happened, process the resulting pain, make adjustments to living without their presence and then creating new connections with that person through memories.

Dr Therese Rando developed the 6 Rs which identify 6 key tasks that we should work through to cope with grief. These are Recognize the loss, React to the separation, Recollect and re-experience, Relinquish old attachments, Readjust and Reinvest

Here we must recognise that the death has occurred, react to that separation, re-experience both bad and good memories, let go of the past and then accommodate memories of that person in a changed world.

The Dual Process grief model offers two ways to journey through loss. Giving time to mourn and miss the deceased and also giving sufficient time to participate in activities which bring brief respite from the pain, the idea of this theory is to oscillate between the two stages as we work to process the physical absence of a loved one.

There are others who say that we should explore how we can adjust to the new place in which we find ourselves after a death. Bereavement often turns the world upside down and makes finding meaning in everyday activities hard. Often, we feel as though we’ve lost our identity and our sense of place. Exploring grief in this way helps us to make meaning by adjusting to the loss and making accommodation.

Many grief counsellors will use one or more of these theories when addressing the needs of the bereaved and to help them to come through their loss positively.

If you are struggling to cope with the loss of a loved one, don’t be afraid of seeking professional help. It is often a wise idea.